i have a dream every once in a while. i am down in a basement and lost in your smile then you flicker away as i step on the train and when i wake up i am whispering your name. there are things that i said that i shouldn't have said. there are things i remember i wish i'd forget. there is pain in your eyes that i never could know. there are places you've been no one ever should go. you are a folded up paper doll haunting the words that i struggle to say. you are a book that i left at a restaurant so many summers away. you are the roar of an orchestra; i know this all sounds a little cliche but i didn't know.
seared in my memories, your polka-dot gown... when the levees collapsed any good will we found. flood out the laughter with deafening sighs; straightening your curls out and rolling your eyes. SCREAM for the monsters that kicked down your walls. SCREAM for some dumb afternoon in the fall. SCREAM for parishioners knelt in your grace. SCREAM for the symphony light on your face. SCREAM for the tempest and SCREAM for the calm. SCREAM for the days you can barely hold on. SCREAM for the healing and SCREAM for the ache. SCREAM for emotions you struggle to fake. i'll scream for forgiveness for every mistake. i am a picture you've learned to ignore, just a memory you'd like to erase. i am a specter in high definition, a flashback you don't want to chase. i am a power chord washed in distortion... too dumb to imagine your space and i didn't know.
i can't return the last gift that i got for you. that's not a metaphor (there is a 30 day limit) and we can't return to the past... no bar karaoke or text conversations or bridges on fire (OK, that one's a metaphor) but if you could give me the benefit of any shred of self doubt that i have... when the clock touches midnight IT WON'T GO AWAY. with mysterious magic IT WON'T GO AWAY. in ballgowns and chariots IT WON'T GO AWAY. at the worst fucking airport IT WON'T GO AWAY. with sacred devotion IT WON'T GO AWAY. in perpetual motion IT WON'T GO AWAY. in the deepest blue ocean IT WON'T GO AWAY. with fleeting emotion IT WON'T GO AWAY. with words of forgiveness IT WON'T GO AWAY. with terrible scars no IT WON'T GO AWAY. with confessions and tears no IT WON'T GO AWAY. in a million years no IT WON'T GO AWAY. i have a dream every now and again where i’m dead in the water or drowning in sin.
released October 6, 2022
THE SMALL CALAMITIES:
charlie wolf - vox/guitar
christian kalafut - bass
crystal dunning - vox