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After The Anger (Crippling Regret No. 2)

from MOMENTS OF IMPACT by The Small Calamities

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Music and lyrics written by Charlie Wolf (BMI).
Recorded in Oakland, LA, and New York.
With apologies & artistic license.


i screamed about breaking my heart with punk rock and telephone calls. electric guitars fade to pianos and cars, a gentler jesuit fall. take it one day at a time and bandage the wounds as they come. after the anger comes sadness, and after that i will be numb. you said you were the queen back in middle school… i guess that should have been a red mark. i said to our friend that i should have ran then, she said, "nah, you already fell hard." but i was the prom king in high school—that's true, even if no-one ever believes me—but after the anger has wilted the willows, i will reign over the leaves. every word that i gave you was true, and i wish that you meant what you said to me too.

cinderella, i know that you’re angry & at this point i’ll never know why. i borrowed your pigment, got lost in a figment or jumped out of september skies. sometimes i just want to call you or see you in sepia tint but after the anger has rusted the writing, i will erode into print.

i thought about ending my life for the first time since i was a kid. i dove into darkness, i swam and i sank, i did things i’m not proud i did. but i guess i’ll keep holding on and promise that i’ll let you go. after the anger has burned through the forests no one will bask in the glow. every ember and moment to grieve.

there are things i could say but you wouldn’t believe me.

you were in nightmares i had—for a while it was every day. i’m not gonna lie, i still have them sometimes but mostly i’m sleeping okay. there are questions i’ll have to accept & pictures and texts that i kept. after the anger has sputtered in silence, sorrow is all there is left. even if it won’t go away, i'll carry it with me... colors and memories fade buried within me. lidocaine footsteps, i fall at the pew and desperately pray for a friday anew but it’s always you.

but i'll try to treat this with grace. that’s something you taught me to do. i wished you’d do the same but i know there’s no blame. we all do the best we can do. time will take care of it all, time will heal all of our wounds. after it all will come peace. and i hope the peace will come soon.


from MOMENTS OF IMPACT, track released December 2, 2020
Charlie Wolf - lead vocals, guitars, programming, synthesizers, mellotron, mandolin, organ, glockenspiel, accordion
Christian Kalafut - bass
Hayden Parker - drums
& sometimes:
Bobby Victor - bgv

Yoed Nir - cello
Phil Madeira - piano

Produced, arranged, and engineered by Charlie Wolf.

Mixed by Logan Heftel in SF.
Mastered by Alan Douches in New York & Jonathan Kirchner in San Francisco.


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