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about

all songs written by charlie wolf (BMI) over one sleepless night at a hotel in walnut creek & recorded deep in the sonoran desert the following days during wildfires & pandemics.

lyrics

LYRICS:
this is where i pretend to be at peace. this is where i pretend to be okay with candlelit confessions to cleanse your conscience or clear your time. this is where i memorize my lines. this is where i pretend i don’t recall all those stupid plans we had at all. this is where i pretend that nothing’s changed… i guess they put the warnings on the game. this is where i pretend i eat and sleep. this is where i pretend that i don’t dream of basements, gowns, and tarmac or dying graceless on the pew. this is where i pretend that it’s not you. this is where i pretend to hide away or that i don’t still have paragraphs to say. this is where i pretend there is no blame. this is where i pretend it’s all the same.

suddenly i'm 17 again, standing on the ledge and looking down. saved by pure coincidence that solemn summer night… so lucky that i never touched the ground. some days i am overwhelmed with grief. some days the reality sets in. some days are the novocaine and some days are the mace. some days i remember all the contours of your face. i want to talk for centuries but i know that i need space… some days i’d give so much to erase.

this is where i go return the car and they ask me if i had a pleasant time. i grew up in LA so you’d think i’d be more convincing when i grit my teeth and mumble that it’s fine. this is where i’m dying to pretend that i will learn to trust myself again… a hopeful note to end on even if it isn’t real. let choirs fill the empty space and mask the way we feel and i’ll do my best impression of a person with appeal, speak in single words so there’s no meaning you can steal, and make believe at one point it was real.

there will be return to color, i’ll be baptized in the hue. circumnavigating silence and hoping other words will do. it comes slow then all at once or it’s a warning i forgot… finding faith in lieu of trust. i dream i’m somebody i’m not. give it time and tender touch. try to breathe, but not too much. i try to scream until i fail straight to prison, skip the jail. if there’s music in the chamber it’s cathartic and divine. watch my youth dissolve in writing and grieve the lies we left behind. grieve the fiction and the fact and grieve the grass and grieve the lake and grieve conviction in a feeling even if the feeling’s fake. in the morning i am reckless, late at night i’m in a daze, i’ll forget i learned your language or got lost inside your maze. scale the hedges to ascension, throw my hands into the sky 'cause i am half awake at best and i am halfway in july. it’s your separate september, it’s a casual farewell. drops of fire on the windshield cast a solitary spell. you start searching for the next show, let the laughter leave your eyes. it’s not worth it to discuss, there’s nothing there to analyze. you can learn another lullaby or sing some sober tunes. it’s not so much the weapon, it’s the age of all the wounds.

i am either worth it or i’m not so i will never wait outside your window holding feelings that i never should have caught.

credits

from Portrait Of A Man Crying In A Rental Car Parked Somewhere In The East Bay, released October 2, 2020
THE SMALL CALAMITIES ARE:
charlie wolf - guitars/vocals/mellotron/mandolin/synth/programming/field recording
christian kalafut - bass/shouting/car conversations
hayden parker - drums

ADDITIONAL PERSONNEL:
christian ruth - assistant engineer, additional percussion (3, 6)

mixed by ian farmer in philly.
mastered by jonathan kirchner in SF.

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The Small Calamities

A whirlwind of punk rock angst, power pop hooks & Americana jangle, The Small Calamities blend a wry humor, Springsteenesque imagery, and naked earnestness to create what reviewers have called “imagery-laden anecdotes" & "poison-tipped confessionals". Smash Mouth follows them on twitter. ... more

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